The Science of Government

Heaviest Element Discovered

Scientists at CERN in Geneva have announced the discovery of  the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25  assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,  giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,  which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called  peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which  it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally  taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to  complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6  years.

It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in  which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange  places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time,  since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons,  forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to  believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical  concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical  morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes  Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as  Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many  morons.

All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other  by-products are produced.

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